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To my Burns Florist Family,
I'm letting you in on a very vulnerable and sensitive part of my life that I tried to keep quiet since December 1st. Sometimes the pain of staying silent is more burdensome than the courage it takes to ask for help.
Four months ago, at 37, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Head and Neck Cancer. This shook my world and turned it on its head.
It started with trying to find a diagnosis for a mass that was growing in my neck, and after a year of testing, I finally got the diagnosis that I had cancer at the base of my tongue and tonsils that was spreading to my lymph nodes.
For the first few months, I walked this road alone to get my footing and to be introduced to my incredibly trusted team of doctors, 11+ of them.
I knew that the easiest way for me to get through this was to stay positive, upbeat, maintain my spirit and humor, and take each day one at a time. By then, I was ready to slowly introduce people into my world and what I was dealing with.
However, my days are long and tiresome and it's come time that my store, Burns Florist, be open with revised hours temporarily. Most importantly, it's time that I let my community at large know.
From December until February, I underwent rounds of fertility treatment to preserve my eggs and protect the future I had always longed for, to have a family of my own.
My team came together to configure the best possible treatment plan for my diagnosis. Surgery was not an option to remove the cancer because the quality of life I would have post-operation would have drastically changed, so they came up with a plan of 7 weeks of radiation with highly intense rounds of chemotherapy.
Because most people who have my diagnosis are 75 and older, they told me they want to fight this with the highest possibility of success through the most aggressive treatment.
What scares me most are the long-term side effects. Infertility being one of them, hearing loss, neuropathy, and kidney disease are at the top of that list. I don't doubt their plan for a second, but I'm also not made of metal. To say the treatments are painful is an understatement.
None of this is pretty or glamorous, but I'll take my wins as I see them. Some days I feel great, and others I feel like cancer is chasing my tail.
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I've documented my journey throughout this whole process, if for no one else but myself. It's a reminder to give myself grace because naturally, I am my own worst critic.
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There comes a time where there is truly no other option, and you put your head down and just do it. This isn't the type of doing it to the best of your ability; it's doing it with full force, all your might, and maintaining a smile on your face for nobody else but yourself.
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That's the only way that I can get through this: with a positive mindset, with a level head sitting between both my shoulder blades, and taking each day as it comes.
What was a lump in my neck that I thought was nothing turned into something much greater than anything I could have envisioned coming face-to-face with in this world. After hearing my diagnosis of Stage 2 Head and Neck Cancer, it was perfect timing that a podcast reminded me that the number one reason for bankruptcy is not bad spending, but, more poignantly, cancer medical bills. That scared me.
What scared me was losing the dream that I've had my whole life of starting a family and raising babies in a home that I saved for my entire life.
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It's not lost on me, the hardship in this world, and I understand that donating is simply out of people's reach. You have my permission to share my story. Please take care of yourself and pay attention to those little things that feel like nothing, because doing so might save you, or someone you love, from going through this journey.
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I understand God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers, and I'm fighting like hell to see this through to the other side. Mindset is everything. Showing up for myself and understanding each part of my procedures in their entirety keeps me connected to my mind, my body, and centers my spirit.
It takes a big heart and a big soul to go through this, and Cancer, you picked the wrong one.
